{"id":1523,"date":"2024-03-05T09:05:15","date_gmt":"2024-03-05T09:05:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/?p=1523"},"modified":"2024-03-21T20:12:27","modified_gmt":"2024-03-21T20:12:27","slug":"i-had-an-affair-with-my-married-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/?p=1523","title":{"rendered":"I had an affair with my married boss"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Sarah Cooper*, 41, is single, works as an executive PA and lives in Berkshire. For almost two years she had an affair with her married boss. Now, nursing a broken heart and the guilt of her lover\u2019s family being blown apart, she regrets ever sharing that first kiss with him\u2026<\/em><\/p><div class=\"311fe198f191a864c1efcdfa9efedfdf\" data-index=\"3\" style=\"float: none; margin:0px 0 0px 0; text-align:center;\">\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1782571\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n<\/div>\n\n<p><em>As told to Sadie Nicholas<\/em><\/p>\n<figure class=\"caas-figure\">\n<div class=\"caas-figure-with-pb\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"caas-img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"caas-img caas-lazy has-preview caas-loaded\" src=\"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/NEvMXo74IZP.rrvir.2oHg--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTUxNztjZj13ZWJw\/https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/os\/creatr-uploaded-images\/2023-06\/168e2ef0-0619-11ee-9ffd-f3e77f481d9d\" alt=\"Sarah* had an affair with her boss, who was 10 years older than her. Posed by models. (Getty Images)\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\"><\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"caption-collapse\" data-id=\"m-0\">Sarah* had an affair with her boss, who was 10 years older than her. Posed by models. (Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>From April 2021 until March this year I had an affair with my married boss, Mike*. Suave, ambitious and a decade older than me, it was the oldest clich\u00e9 in the book.<\/p>\n<p>Fourteen months after we\u2019d started working together, he asked if I\u2019d like to step out of the office to join him for lunch one day \u2013 my birthday, as it happens \u2013 and I couldn\u2019t resist. Though it was the first time I\u2019d ever spent time with him out of work, the charged atmosphere between us told me he had as many feelings for me as I did for him.<\/p>\n<h2>Secret lust<\/h2>\n<p>Over sandwiches and coffee that day, suddenly we struggled to have a conversation as something had shifted between us and we both knew it: we weren\u2019t there simply as boss and PA.<\/p>\n<p>I ended up blurting out that I was very fond of him. His response? &#8216;I think you could achieve anything you set your mind to&#8217;, something he always told me in the office, but which was clearly being used suggestively now.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"caas-figure\">\n<div class=\"caas-figure-with-pb\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"caas-img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"caas-img caas-lazy has-preview caas-loaded\" src=\"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/x_0xfjBNqUCet.zhZqpEaA--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTY0MDtjZj13ZWJw\/https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/os\/creatr-uploaded-images\/2023-05\/d8bffd70-0397-11ee-a7f7-246915199ae3\" alt=\"Two colleagues having lunch together\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\"><\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"caption-collapse\" data-id=\"m-1\">The couple started meeting for lunch and confessed their feelings for each other. Posed by models. (Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>The next day, we went for lunch again and talked it through, each of us admitting the extent of our feelings for the other. I was drawn to his lovely, caring personality, and the fact that he was focussed and ambitious \u2013 I\u2019ve always had a thing for an alpha male. He paid attention to me, always noticing the small things whether that was a new scarf or perfume I was wearing, or a great job I\u2019d done on a project for the blue chip company we worked for.<\/p>\n<div class=\"caas-pull-quote-wrapper caas-img caas-lazy caas-loaded\" data-src=\"\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\">\n<blockquote class=\"caas-blockquote caas-pull-quote\"><p><span class=\"quote\">The charged atmosphere between us told me he had as many feelings for me as I did for him<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<p>Meanwhile, Mike admitted he\u2019d been physically attracted to me from day one, loved my confidence and humour, and said I made him feel special as I was naturally attentive towards him. But for all the mutual flattery and butterflies in my stomach, there was a gargantuan elephant in the room: Mike was married.<\/p>\n<p>Though he told me his marriage was unhappy, he was adamant from the outset that whatever may or may not happen between us, he would never leave his wife because they had two children.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"caas-figure\">\n<div class=\"caas-figure-with-pb\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"caas-img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"caas-img caas-lazy has-preview caas-loaded\" src=\"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/jHBuZRakUGP5xhbAFe9LOQ--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTY0MDtjZj13ZWJw\/https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/os\/creatr-uploaded-images\/2023-05\/2267bbc0-0398-11ee-beff-8e24edb40876\" alt=\"Colleagues leaving work together for break. (Getty Images)\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\"><\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"caption-collapse\" data-id=\"m-2\">Sarah* and her boss began stepping out of the office together every day. Posed by models. (Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h2>The first kiss<\/h2>\n<p>At that stage I was too giddy with the prospect of love and lust to let that stand in the way. Every day after that heart-to-heart we\u2019d head out at lunchtime to walk and talk.<\/p>\n<p>It was on one of our daily walks in a nearby park that Mike stopped as we walked through a leafy copse, gently took my hand and initiated our first kiss. After months of anticipation and longing, it was the most thrilling kiss I\u2019d ever experienced and now there was no going back.<\/p>\n<div class=\"caas-pull-quote-wrapper caas-img caas-lazy caas-loaded\" data-src=\"\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\">\n<blockquote class=\"caas-blockquote caas-pull-quote\"><p><span class=\"quote\">I hated the thought of him playing happy families around the dinner table each night<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<p>I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about Mike and inevitably it wasn\u2019t long before we then slept together in a budget hotel on the motorway. I know it sounds seedy, but more than anything we were desperate to spend time together without worrying about being spotted.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019d fallen in love and saw each other as often as we possibly could \u2013 lunchtime walks, restaurants and hotel rooms \u2013 but never outside working hours so as not to arouse the suspicions of our colleagues or his wife.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"caas-figure\">\n<div class=\"caas-figure-with-pb\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"caas-img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"caas-img caas-lazy has-preview caas-loaded\" src=\"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/.Q4R72pkIyffZrJfk3I5Qw--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTcwODtjZj13ZWJw\/https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/os\/creatr-uploaded-images\/2023-05\/61d70d60-0398-11ee-aeef-9545da73a2f6\" alt=\"Heterosexual couple kisses passionately in illicit outdoor affair\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\"><\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"caption-collapse\" data-id=\"m-3\">There was no going back after the kiss. (Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>It&#8217;s funny, until our relationship became sexual and more serious, it hadn\u2019t really bothered me that Mike went home after work every evening to his wife and family. But in the throes of a full blown affair, it began to eat away at me.<\/p>\n<h2>Mutual jealousy<\/h2>\n<p>I hated the thought of him playing happy families around the dinner table each night, on weekend outings and during holidays spent in the Mediterranean when the schools broke up.<\/p>\n<p>So, I dug my heels in: if he wasn\u2019t going to alter his life for me, I wasn\u2019t going to change mine either, however much I wanted to. I maintained a single life, dating and sleeping with other men, yet all the time romanticising about what life would be like if only Mike and I could be together. Of course, he loathed it, admitting it made him jealous and that he wished he didn\u2019t have to \u2018share\u2019 me in that way.<\/p>\n<div class=\"caas-pull-quote-wrapper caas-img caas-lazy caas-loaded\" data-src=\"\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\">\n<blockquote class=\"caas-blockquote caas-pull-quote\"><p><span class=\"quote\">During a heated row he apparently told her he was in love with me<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<p>Waves of guilt I felt for his wife and occasional thoughts of &#8216;I can\u2019t believe I\u2019m doing this&#8217;, were offset by moments when I\u2019d think, &#8216;Screw it, I&#8217;m going to tell her!&#8217; though I would never have done that to his children.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"caas-figure\">\n<div class=\"caas-figure-with-pb\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"caas-img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"caas-img caas-lazy has-preview caas-loaded\" src=\"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/iAg9jc92wf5UiKba8gYPLA--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTY0MDtjZj13ZWJw\/https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/os\/creatr-uploaded-images\/2022-04\/0923cd90-bc11-11ec-b9ff-1ee4d535cfa3\" alt=\"Sad adult woman looking at texts on phone\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\"><\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"caption-collapse\" data-id=\"m-4\">Things took a turn when his wife found cheating text messages. Posed by model. (Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Everything altered abruptly late last summer when she discovered text messages on his phone from me, talking about our next planned liaison in a hotel and how we couldn&#8217;t wait to see one another.<\/p>\n<h2>A confrontation<\/h2>\n<p>During a heated row he apparently told her he was in love with me, yet he still didn\u2019t leave and incredibly she didn\u2019t kick him out. She called me and was understandably livid, yelling: &#8216;You don&#8217;t do this to another woman!&#8217; But as bad as I felt, I didn&#8217;t apologise as it would have been insincere given what I&#8217;d done.<\/p>\n<p>Things quickly cooled between Mike and me at that point, which coincided with him getting a new job at a different company, a step up the career ladder that wasn\u2019t influenced by our affair.<\/p>\n<div class=\"caas-iframe-wrapper\">\n<div class=\"caas-iframe flourish caas-loaded\" data-type=\"flourish\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\"><iframe src=\"https:\/\/flo.uri.sh\/visualisation\/14037411\/embed?auto=1\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<h2>Trying to stay away<\/h2>\n<p>As heartbroken as I was, it seemed like that was a natural end to our affair and during a few weeks without any contact after the call from his wife, I told myself it was over\u2026 only for us to then find excuses to call each other again, although we resisted the urge to meet up.<\/p>\n<p>Then, last November, three months after they\u2019d seen one another, out of the blue Mike phoned one day to announce that he\u2019d left his wife as he was unhappy and wanted to make a go of it with me. He\u2019d rented a flat nearby, and wanted to resume our relationship.<\/p>\n<div class=\"caas-pull-quote-wrapper caas-img caas-lazy caas-loaded\" data-src=\"\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\">\n<blockquote class=\"caas-blockquote caas-pull-quote\"><p><span class=\"quote\">The attraction between us proved too strong again<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<p>I was stunned and angry in equal measure because by then I\u2019d made the decision to move on from him, not having seen each other since he started his new job. But the attraction between us proved too strong and before I knew it, we were together as often as we could again.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"caas-figure\">\n<div class=\"caas-figure-with-pb\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"caas-img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"caas-img caas-lazy has-preview caas-loaded\" src=\"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/yNwLYkFKqwhE381LqTx6fg--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTY0MDtjZj13ZWJw\/https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/os\/creatr-uploaded-images\/2023-06\/d11d5900-0617-11ee-bcbf-cb410663113b\" alt=\"Couple kissing in bar\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\"><\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"caption-collapse\" data-id=\"m-5\">Sarah Cooper* discovered her lover was very different from the fantasy she had of him. Posed by models. (Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>It\u2019s what I\u2019d dreamed of for such a long time, so you might imagine this was our happy ending, however it was anything but. As we embarked on a legitimate relationship, no longer sneaking around and having sex in hotel rooms, real life kicked in and the bubble we\u2019d been in during the affair burst spectacularly.<\/p>\n<h2>Reality kicks in<\/h2>\n<p>That\u2019s the thing with affairs, they\u2019re not so exciting when they\u2019re out in the open and you become a couple. Though we didn\u2019t live together, it quickly became apparent that his domestic persona was in complete contrast to the ambitious, alpha male I\u2019d fallen in love with at work.<\/p>\n<div class=\"caas-pull-quote-wrapper caas-img caas-lazy caas-loaded\" data-src=\"\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\">\n<blockquote class=\"caas-blockquote caas-pull-quote\"><p><span class=\"quote\">Affairs aren&#8217;t so exciting once they&#8217;re out in the open and you become a couple<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<p>He lacked motivation to get even the simplest of domestic tasks done, and there was a huge realisation that his wife had obviously dealt with all the cooking, cleaning, ironing, food shopping and general drudgery of daily life as he hadn\u2019t a clue how to do any of them. When it came to dates and nights away, it was me who made the effort to make them happen.<\/p>\n<p>The reality bore no resemblance to how I\u2019d often daydreamed life would be and in the end Mike had to admit that too. We&#8217;d spent so long caught up in the fantasy of a life together that we\u2019d never actually discussed what we would have to do to make \u2018us\u2019 work.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"caas-figure\">\n<div class=\"caas-figure-with-pb\">\n<div>\n<div class=\"caas-img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"caas-img caas-lazy has-preview caas-loaded\" src=\"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/B574V7An3R_C9GjP75_B0A--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTY0MDtjZj13ZWJw\/https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/os\/creatr-uploaded-images\/2023-05\/715ca280-0399-11ee-9f77-299a7ae9a616\" alt=\"Woman upset on phone call. (Getty Images)\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrapper caption-aligned-with-image\"><\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"caption-collapse\" data-id=\"m-6\">Ending what should have never started. Posed by model. (Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Whenever we argued \u2013 something we\u2019d never done when we were mistress and lover &#8211; Mike would always say, \u2018I left my family for you!\u2019<\/p>\n<p>I felt so burdened with guilt at what we&#8217;d done that I realised I could never enjoy a life with him the way we&#8217;d dreamed of and became increasingly unhappy. Two months ago, I called him and, through tears and huge sobs, I ended it.<\/p>\n<div class=\"caas-pull-quote-wrapper caas-img caas-lazy caas-loaded\" data-src=\"\" data-caas-lazy-loading-init=\"1\">\n<blockquote class=\"caas-blockquote caas-pull-quote\"><p><span class=\"quote\">It broke his heart and it broke mine \u2013 we don&#8217;t have anyone to blame but ourselves<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<h2>Tearing a family apart<\/h2>\n<p>It broke his heart and it broke mine, not that we have anyone to blame but ourselves. The mental toll it\u2019s taken on me has been huge. A combination of antidepressants, therapy and wonderful friends has got me through so far. They may not have approved of my affair but they\u2019ve been endlessly supportive.<\/p>\n<p>Mike and I have had no contact since but as far as I know he\u2019s still living apart from his wife.<\/p>\n<p>This experience has taught me that nothing good can come from an affair. Beyond the initial thrill and excitement, the guilt and fallout when it all goes wrong are almost impossible to cope with.<\/p>\n<p>Once out in the open, the affair simply turns into a tainted normal life \u2013 whether you stay together or not \u2013 and in my case that wasn\u2019t the perfect existence I naively dreamed it would be. There\u2019s no way I would ever entertain being a mistress again, however attracted I felt to a man.<\/p>\n<p><em>*Name has been changed to protect identity.<\/em><\/p>\n\n<div style=\"font-size: 0px; height: 0px; line-height: 0px; margin: 0; padding: 0; clear: both;\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sarah Cooper*, 41, is single, works as an executive PA and lives in Berkshire. For almost two years she had an affair with her married boss. Now,&#8230; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2287,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1523","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1523","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1523"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1523\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1525,"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1523\/revisions\/1525"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2287"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1523"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1523"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findpath.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1523"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}