Every time I think we’re in a good place, my husband finds a way to drag up my past. His retroactive jealousy has become a weight I never asked to carry. He constantly asks about my exes, as if knowing more will give him some kind of edge. But no matter what I tell him, it never seems to be enough.

He wants to know every detail—what they looked like, how they treated me, how they made me feel. At first, I answered because I thought he was just curious. But now, it’s clear that he’s comparing himself to men who aren’t even in my life anymore. I can see the jealousy in his eyes, the way he scrutinizes me when I talk about someone from my past.

It’s frustrating because these are old memories, things that don’t matter to me anymore. But to him, it’s like I’m carrying these relationships around with me, and he’s competing with ghosts. I keep telling him that he’s the one I love, that he’s the one I chose to spend my life with. But his insecurity runs so deep that he can’t seem to let go of the past.

What’s strangest is how he measures himself against these men—men who, in truth, had no lasting impact on my life. It’s as if he’s convinced that my past relationships hold more weight than the one we’ve built together. His behavior feels irrational, and yet, I can’t ignore the fact that it’s real to him. It’s tearing us apart, and I don’t know how to stop it.

I’m not sure what to do anymore. How do you reassure someone who’s constantly competing with ghosts? I love him, but I fear this jealousy is going to drive a wedge between us that we can’t overcome.