My husband’s retroactive jealousy is starting to tear us apart. It’s like no matter what I do, he’s constantly comparing himself to men from my past. He asks me about them, sometimes casually, other times with an intensity that makes me uncomfortable. I try to answer honestly, but it’s never enough for him. He wants to know every detail, to measure himself against men I barely remember.

I’ve told him time and time again that he’s the one I love, the one I chose to spend my life with. But his insecurity runs deep. He sees these old relationships as a threat, even though they ended long before we met. It’s strange because I never thought jealousy would play such a large role in our marriage, especially over something that’s already in the past.

It’s becoming clear that his jealousy isn’t about me—it’s about him. His own insecurities are eating away at him, making him feel like he’s not good enough. And the more he tries to compare himself to the men I once knew, the more he pulls away from me. It’s like he’s creating a wedge between us, even though all I want is for him to feel secure in our relationship.

I love him, but I’m starting to feel frustrated. How do you fix something that’s based on a fear he won’t even admit? I can’t compete with ghosts, and I shouldn’t have to. It’s strange how this insecurity has taken over our lives, and I don’t know how much longer I can reassure him before I start to lose myself in the process.

I just want him to see that the only man I want is him. But how do you make someone believe that when they’re constantly questioning their own worth?