I can’t pinpoint when it started, but my husband’s retroactive jealousy has become a weight I didn’t expect to carry. It’s as if every relationship I’ve ever had before him is somehow a threat to him now. He’ll ask me questions about my past boyfriends, things that happened years ago, things I barely even think about anymore. But for him, they seem to hold this strange significance.

He wants to know if I loved them more, if they made me happier, if they treated me better. I try to explain that those relationships are in the past for a reason, that I’m with him because he’s the one I love. But it never seems to be enough. His insecurity is a constant presence, like a third party in our marriage that we didn’t invite in.

It’s hard to watch someone you love doubt themselves so deeply. I want to help him, to reassure him, but at some point, it feels like I’m pouring my energy into an endless well of need. His jealousy has made me feel like I’m always walking on eggshells, careful of what I say, what I reveal about my past. But how long can a marriage survive when one person is always trying to prove they’re enough?

I wish he could see that he doesn’t have to compare himself to anyone. He’s the one I chose, the one I love. But his jealousy is a weight we’re both carrying, and I don’t know how much longer we can bear it.