It’s hard to watch my husband struggle with insecurities about men from my past. No matter how often I reassure him or how much I tell him that those relationships are long behind me, he constantly brings up old boyfriends, questioning how he measures up to them. These comparisons aren’t something I ever invite, but he finds ways to bring them up, as if he’s searching for reassurance he can never fully find.

He’ll ask questions that are sometimes subtle, like, “Did you two ever travel to places like this?” or “What kinds of things did he like to do?” But other times, his questions reveal a deeper insecurity: “Did he make you laugh more than I do?” or “Was he more romantic?” I do my best to be open and honest, reminding him that these people are from a part of my life that no longer matters. But even when I try to steer the conversation back to us and what we have now, he seems unable to let go of his need to measure himself against shadows of the past.

These conversations leave me emotionally drained. I feel like I’m always trying to convince him that he’s the one I truly love, the one I’ve committed to. But his focus on my past relationships makes me feel like our present isn’t enough for him, as though he believes there’s always someone better waiting in the wings of my memories. I’ve started to wonder if he realizes how much it hurts me too, to see him questioning his worth and doubting the depth of our bond.

Sometimes, I fear that if he continues down this path, his jealousy and insecurity will erode the love and trust we’ve worked so hard to build. I wish he could see himself through my eyes—as someone who is loved not in comparison to anyone else, but for exactly who he is.