Every relationship has its challenges, but one I never expected to face was my husband’s fixation on my past. It’s as if he’s haunted by the idea that he somehow falls short of the men I was with before, creating a nearly constant cloud of comparison that overshadows our life together. He seems almost obsessed with how he stacks up against them, and it’s beginning to erode the joy in our present, weighing down moments that should be ours alone.

It’s subtle but persistent. Sometimes, he’ll bring it up when we’re out with friends or during a quiet night in. He’ll ask, “Did he ever take you to places like this?” or “Was he good at this hobby?” Even something as simple as a song on the radio can trigger his curiosity, and he’ll ask, “Did you two ever dance to this?” These questions start innocently enough, but soon, I feel him retreat, caught up in his own thoughts, perhaps tallying up where he thinks he doesn’t measure up.

No amount of reassurance seems to satisfy his need for validation. I’ve told him time and again that those men are a part of my past, chapters that have closed long ago. My love for him is rooted in who he is—his unique qualities, quirks, and kindness. But he can’t seem to see it the way I do. Instead, he seems to believe that my past casts a shadow on our relationship, as if it holds some secret power over us.

Over time, his fixation has begun to seep into the way I feel. I find myself choosing my words carefully, avoiding any mention of my past, and steering conversations away from anything that could trigger his insecurities. I don’t want to feel like I’m walking on eggshells, but it’s hard to watch him spiral into self-doubt. The truth is, I don’t remember those past relationships with any lingering sentiment; they are simply experiences that led me to the person I’m with today. But he can’t seem to accept that he’s enough, just as he is.

It’s heartbreaking because his insecurity has started to cloud the love we share. Instead of celebrating the life we’re building together, he’s continually battling phantoms of the past, letting them impact his sense of self-worth. It’s exhausting, and sometimes I feel helpless, unsure of how to help him see himself as I do—worthy, loved, and perfect for me.

I worry that this fixation could ultimately undermine our relationship, turning moments of joy into moments of doubt. Our love shouldn’t be a competition with memories or a battle for validation. I just wish he could find the confidence to leave my past behind, so we could embrace our future without shadows. But until he does, I fear that we’ll remain trapped, with our present overshadowed by the ghosts of a past that should no longer matter.