My husband’s jealousy over past relationships has become an unwelcome presence in our conversations. He brings it up unexpectedly, sometimes during a quiet dinner, or when we’re relaxing on the couch. Out of nowhere, he’ll start questioning himself, comparing who he is now to men from my past—men who aren’t even around and who, to me, hold no power over our lives today. But for him, it’s as if these silent rivals are constantly lurking in the shadows, waiting to remind him of his insecurities.

It starts with small comments, almost like he’s testing the waters. “I wonder if I make you as happy as he did,” or “I bet he was more exciting.” I’ve tried to reassure him, again and again, that I’m with him because of who he is—not because he’s better or worse than anyone else, but because he’s the person I chose to spend my life with. But my words never seem to completely reach him. Instead, he continues to second-guess himself, as if there’s some invisible score he’s trying to keep up with.

When he asks these questions, I can see the self-doubt clouding his expression, and it breaks my heart. He’s worried about not being funny enough, adventurous enough, or even loving enough, all based on his own assumptions of what my past relationships must have been like. I want to tell him that the men before him were simply part of my journey, pieces of a past that led me here—to him. But no matter how much I try to comfort him, he still lets these old comparisons invade our present.

It’s exhausting, this cycle of reassurance and self-doubt. I feel like I’m constantly trying to convince him that he’s more than enough for me, yet he keeps digging deeper into his fears. Sometimes, it even impacts how I express myself, making me cautious with my words. I avoid certain stories or memories, fearing they might spark more questions or doubts. It’s like there’s a part of myself I have to hold back, simply because he’s haunted by insecurities I can’t erase for him.

And the saddest part? I’m starting to see how his jealousy is robbing us of truly enjoying our relationship. Moments that should be full of laughter and love are tinged with hesitation and worry, as if our joy is always at risk of being overshadowed by ghosts of a past he just can’t let go of. I feel like he’s competing with memories that don’t exist anymore, that don’t matter to me in the way he thinks they do.

I wish he could understand that he’s the only person I want beside me, the one I chose to build a life with. But until he can let go of these silent rivals, our marriage will continue to feel weighed down by something that doesn’t even belong in our lives. And as much as I love him, I can’t banish these doubts for him—only he can do that. Until he finds a way to let go, I fear we’ll both be trapped in this cycle, caught between a future we want and a past that should have stayed in the past.