My husband often deals with retroactive jealousy, and it’s become a constant undercurrent in our marriage. He frequently compares himself to the men I was with before we met, and I can see how much it eats at him, even when he tries to hide it. Sometimes it feels like he’s in competition with my memories, fighting battles I never wanted to wage. It’s heartbreaking because I can see the toll it takes on his confidence and on our relationship.

At first, I didn’t understand what was happening. His comments would come out of nowhere—a simple dinner conversation could suddenly veer into questions about past boyfriends. He’d ask about what we did together, whether they were successful, or what kind of connection we had. I answered honestly, thinking transparency would reassure him, but it only seemed to fuel his curiosity. There was a certain intensity in his eyes when he asked, a kind of desperation that made me feel like I was on trial for things that were long over and done with.

I never meant to hurt him with the truth of my past, but now I feel as though I’m trapped. I catch myself editing my stories or avoiding topics that could set him off. Even casual references to old friends can trigger a wave of questions and a tense silence that lingers for days. It’s not that he’s angry with me, but I can see the way his expression hardens, the way he withdraws when those thoughts take hold. In those moments, I see a side of him that’s haunted by insecurity and a need for validation that I’m not sure I can provide.

It’s almost like he’s allowing these old relationships to dominate his sense of self, making him question his worth even though he’s the man I chose to marry. That’s where I wonder if it crosses into what some might call “cucked” behavior—he’s torturing himself with these comparisons, allowing people who are no longer relevant to come between us. I try to be patient, to show him through my actions that he’s the one I love, but it’s a struggle when I can’t seem to put these old shadows to rest.

There are good days when he’s his charming, confident self, and those moments give me hope. But then, a careless comment or an innocent story will remind him of my past, and we’re right back where we started. I don’t know how to pull him out of this cycle because it feels like he’s stuck there by choice, caught up in thoughts that shouldn’t matter anymore. I don’t want to be with someone who is constantly battling phantoms from my history, but I also don’t want to abandon him when he’s struggling. It’s a painful, confusing position to be in, and I’m left wondering if I’ll ever be enough to quiet the ghosts he’s created in his mind.