Is this a sign of deeply insecure behavior, where my husband’s jealousy over my past relationships is causing him to constantly compare himself to other men? This is the question I find myself asking more and more often. My husband, despite our years together and the life we’ve built, seems trapped by a past that isn’t even his. It’s almost as if he’s in competition with ghosts—people I’ve moved on from long ago but who, in his mind, still linger in the shadows of our marriage.

What started as occasional curiosity has spiraled into a constant, nagging insecurity. It feels like he’s continually measuring himself against these men, as if he needs reassurance that he’s “better” than them. He’ll bring up past relationships at odd moments, sometimes even when we’re enjoying a peaceful evening together. He’ll ask questions that seem harmless on the surface, but there’s always an undercurrent of comparison. He wants to know every detail: what did I like about them, why did it end, and, most importantly, did they make me feel the way he does?

I’ve tried to reassure him countless times, explaining that my past is just that—the past. But it’s as if he can’t hear me; his jealousy has become a barrier that stands between us. I’m starting to wonder if he feels threatened by something he can’t control, or if his need to constantly compare himself is about something deeper, a fear of not being enough. It’s exhausting, not just for him but for me as well. I’m left questioning how to move forward when he’s so focused on what’s already behind us.

It makes me wonder if this pattern is less about my past and more about his own self-worth. His retroactive jealousy has become a weight that pulls us both down, leaving me feeling unsure of how to help him, and increasingly uncertain of how long I can carry this burden.