Is it strange that my husband constantly compares himself to the men from my past, driven by his feelings of retroactive jealousy? At first, I thought it was something that would pass—a fleeting insecurity we could address together. But as time goes on, it feels like this shadow of my past is growing heavier, even though it’s a shadow I’ve long since left behind.

We’ve talked about it before, of course. He says it’s not my fault and that he knows it’s irrational. But knowing that doesn’t seem to stop the questions. “Was he better looking than me? Did he make you happier? Do you ever think about him?” These aren’t just passing curiosities—they’re constant, cutting, and exhausting. It’s as if no matter how much I reassure him, it’s never enough to quiet his doubts.

What hurts the most is that I’ve always been fully committed to him, emotionally and otherwise. My past relationships ended for a reason, and I chose him because I saw something in him that I didn’t see in anyone else. But instead of focusing on what we have, he seems stuck comparing himself to a version of me that no longer exists.

It’s starting to take a toll on our relationship. His jealousy manifests in subtle ways—overanalyzing my actions, making passive comments, or withdrawing when he gets too caught up in his thoughts. I try to be patient, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m paying for mistakes I never made.

I want to help him see that our future is what matters, not the past he can’t change. But sometimes, I wonder: can we ever truly move forward if he’s always looking backward? Or is this something I’ll have to carry with him, even as I try to let it go?