I’m starting to wonder if it’s unusual for my husband to be so fixated on comparing himself to the men I was with before him. At first, I thought it was just a passing insecurity, something everyone might feel at some point. But over time, it’s become clear that this isn’t just a fleeting thought for him—it’s a recurring pattern that seems to weigh on him constantly.

He brings them up at the strangest times, often when we’re having what I think is a normal, happy moment. A casual conversation will suddenly turn into a subtle interrogation: “Was he funnier than me? Did he treat you better? What made you fall for him?” It’s exhausting, not just because I’ve answered these questions before, but because I can see how much it’s eating at him.

I try to reassure him, reminding him that the men in my past are just that—my past. They don’t hold a candle to the life we’ve built together. I chose him for a reason, after all. But it’s like he can’t see himself the way I see him. Instead, he keeps measuring himself against people who no longer matter, as if my feelings for him are tied to how he stacks up against ghosts of relationships long gone.

It’s starting to create a distance between us. I find myself avoiding certain topics or tiptoeing around moments where his insecurities might flare up. I love him deeply, and I want to help him move past this, but I don’t know how to make him understand that he’s enough.

I can’t help but wonder—can this fixation ever fade? Or will we always live with this invisible presence in our marriage, haunting the love and life we’ve tried so hard to nurture?