My husband has a tendency to constantly measure himself against the men in my past—does that seem like odd behavior? I’ve tried to understand where it’s coming from, but no matter how much I reassure him, it feels like he’s caught in an invisible competition with people who no longer hold any place in my life.

At first, it came up casually—a harmless question here or there about old relationships. I thought it was natural curiosity, the kind that comes with building intimacy and learning about each other’s histories. But as time went on, his questions started to shift. They weren’t just about who I dated or why it didn’t work out. They became comparisons, subtle at first, and then more direct.

“Did he make you laugh more than I do?” “Was he better at understanding your feelings?” “Do you ever think about him?” These questions aren’t just rare moments of doubt—they’re frequent, and they seem to come from a deep-seated fear that he’s not enough. I’ve told him countless times that my past relationships are just that: the past. I chose to marry him, to build a life with him, because of who he is and the love we share. But my words don’t seem to reach him the way I hope they will.

I’ve started to notice how this constant self-comparison affects him—and us. It shows in the way he second-guesses his actions, overanalyzes my words, or pulls away when he feels vulnerable. It’s as if he’s battling ghosts I can’t see, trapped in a fight that doesn’t need to exist.

I love him, and I want him to feel secure in the bond we’ve created. But I can’t help but wonder: is this something we can overcome together, or is it a struggle he’ll need to face on his own?