Is it normal for my husband to struggle with retroactive jealousy, always comparing himself to the men I’ve been with before? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself more often lately, as this issue seems to creep into our relationship in ways I never expected.

At first, I didn’t even know retroactive jealousy was a thing. I thought his occasional questions about my past relationships were just natural curiosity, a way of understanding the experiences that shaped me. But over time, those questions became more frequent and pointed, and I realized it wasn’t just curiosity—it was insecurity.

He’ll ask things like, “Was he better looking than me?” or “Do you think about him sometimes?” He compares himself to men I haven’t seen or spoken to in years, as though their presence still holds weight in my life. It breaks my heart because I know he’s measuring himself against a past that no longer matters to me. I’ve told him time and again that he’s the one I chose to spend my life with, that the love we share is deeper than anything I’ve ever known.

But the more I try to reassure him, the more I feel like I’m battling an invisible force. His struggle with retroactive jealousy isn’t just about the men from my past; it’s about his own fears and doubts, fears that I can’t simply erase with kind words or declarations of love.

It’s exhausting, and honestly, it’s starting to affect how I feel, too. I’m beginning to wonder if this is something we can move past, or if it will always linger between us, casting a shadow over the life we’re trying to build together. I want to believe we can overcome this, but I’m not sure how to help him let go of a past that only exists in his mind.