I’ve been married for ten years now. In the early years, my husband was unfaithful and often treated me poorly. At the time, I was young and naïve, hoping things would change, believing that love was enough to fix everything. I convinced myself that people make mistakes, that maybe it was just a rough patch. I forgave him time and again, and we moved forward, building a life together. We had children, and on the surface, everything seemed perfect. The family we created felt like a fresh start, and I held onto the hope that we could build something lasting.

But as the years went by, something inside me began to shift. Around the halfway point of our marriage, I started feeling resentful—resentful of the years I had spent trying to make things work despite the betrayals and the neglect. It was like I had sacrificed so much of myself, trying to hold onto something that was no longer there. The love I had for him began to fade, replaced by frustration and emptiness.

I began to feel an overwhelming pull to seek validation from someone else. It started innocently enough—thoughts of what it might feel like to be desired and appreciated by another man. At first, they were fleeting thoughts, but soon they began to grow stronger. I fantasized about reaching out to someone, anyone, who could make me feel seen in a way I hadn’t felt in years. I wanted to know that I was still attractive, still worthy of attention.

Eventually, these thoughts became more frequent and impossible to ignore. They invaded my mind even during intimate moments with my husband. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was still capable of experiencing real passion, or if I had simply settled into a life that no longer fulfilled me.