I (45F) work with a guy, Ben (51F), and have for the past few months. Our work relationship has always been a bit odd; it started with just some flirty banter here and there, then he’d say things like ‘you’re definitely the most beautiful girl in the office’, etc. I think he’s an attractive guy, and we get along really well but i’ve known from the start that he’s had a girlfriend. We’ve gone out a couple of times with other colleagues for drinks, and i’ve even met his girlfriend.

We had a staff party a few months ago, and we were both very drunk, and he basically confessed to me how he really likes me and if he didn’t have a girlfriend, he’d be with me. I was in a relationship at this point so I said basically the same thing, and we moved on. It’s always stuck with me, and genuinely if he wasn’t in a relationship it would be great, but i’ve never thought to go any further than flirting.

This past weekend, a big group of work people went out and Ben was there. Ben and I were drunk and had a heart to heart in a club about how he thinks about me a lot and wishes he was single, I agreed and told him i liked him but obviously we couldn’t do anything.

Long story short, we all got very drunk, a few of us went back to Bens house to chill, and Ben and I ended up in the bathroom making out and with me giving him a BJ. It was fun I won’t lie, but as soon as it happened I had to call a cab to go home because i felt so horrible. Not only have I met his girlfriend (who he’s been with for around 1-2 years), she was asleep in the room next door. I’ve never ever thought i’d be the kind of girl to do this to another woman, and I have no clue where to go from here. I have to go back to work tomorrow and see Ben, so I guess we’ll see what happens. We both agreed to keep it between us, but i feel absolutely disgusting. This was basically just a rant i apologise.

TLDR; hooked up with my coworker whose girlfriend i’ve met while she was asleep in the next room, and feeling extremely horrible about it (as i should).