In our marriage, my husband frequently brings up my past relationships, often comparing himself to the men I dated before him. At first, I dismissed it as harmless curiosity or a fleeting insecurity, but as it continues to surface, I can’t help but wonder: is this a cause for concern?

It often starts out of nowhere. We’ll be having a quiet evening or a casual conversation, and suddenly, he’ll ask, “Was your ex better at this?” or “Did he make you happier?” Sometimes, it’s less direct—a passing comment about how he doesn’t measure up or how I probably never had to deal with certain things in my previous relationships.

I’ve tried to reassure him countless times, explaining that those relationships are part of my past for a reason. They didn’t work out, and they’re not a reflection of what I want or value now. I chose him because I love him, not because he had to compete with anyone. But no matter how much I reassure him, the comparisons persist.

It’s starting to take a toll on our relationship. These moments leave me feeling like I’m constantly defending my love for him, as though my commitment isn’t enough. I can see how his own insecurities are eating at him, and it pains me to watch. At the same time, it’s hard not to feel frustrated. His fixation on my past makes me feel like I’m being held to a standard I didn’t ask for, one based on memories and people who no longer matter.

I’m beginning to think we need to address this in a deeper way—perhaps through therapy or counseling. I love my husband, but I also know that this constant comparison isn’t healthy for either of us. Is this something other couples experience? Or is this an issue that signals something more serious? Whatever the answer, I’m determined to find a way forward, for both of us.