My husband has always been a loving and devoted partner, but there’s one issue in our marriage that we can’t seem to overcome: his retroactive jealousy. It’s not something I ever thought would become a problem, but over time, it’s become impossible to ignore. His fixation on my history with past partners has created a rift that’s hard to bridge. Now I find myself questioning—should I consider this behavior strange, or is it more common than I realize?

It started with innocent questions about my past relationships, things like, “How long did you date him?” or “Why did it end?” I answered honestly, wanting to build trust and transparency. But as time went on, his curiosity turned into an obsession. He began asking more pointed questions, often looking for comparisons between himself and my exes. “Was he more confident than me?” “Did he make you laugh more?” “What did you love about him?”

Sometimes, his insecurities come out in unexpected ways. If he notices an old photo or hears a song that reminds me of a different time in my life, he’ll bring it up, almost as if he’s competing with ghosts of my past. It’s heartbreaking to see him struggle like this, but it’s also exhausting. I’ve reassured him countless times that he’s the one I love, the one I chose to build my life with, but it never seems to be enough.

This behavior is starting to weigh on our relationship. I don’t know if retroactive jealousy is typical or if it’s something deeper that we need to address with help. I want to support him, but I also feel like I’m constantly defending myself against a history that no longer matters to me.

Is this something other couples deal with? Or is it a sign of a deeper issue within our marriage? I don’t have the answers yet, but I know this can’t continue. I love my husband, and I’m willing to fight for us, but I also need him to see that our future is more important than my past.