My husband is a wonderful partner in many ways, but one issue keeps creeping into our marriage: his fixation on my past relationships. It’s something I never expected would cause so much tension between us, but his retroactive jealousy has made it difficult for him to stop comparing himself to my exes.

It began innocently enough, as these things often do. Early in our relationship, he’d ask about my dating history—normal questions about who I’d been with and why things didn’t work out. I answered honestly, wanting to be open and transparent. But as the years went by, instead of those conversations fading into the background, they started to surface more frequently.

He’ll ask questions out of the blue, even during happy or intimate moments. “Do you think I’m as attractive as your ex?” or “Did he make you laugh more than I do?” It feels like he’s constantly trying to measure up to a standard that doesn’t exist anymore. Sometimes, he’ll overanalyze things I’ve said, twisting them into comparisons that leave me feeling guilty for a past I can’t change.

I’ve reassured him over and over that I chose him, that my love for him is real and has nothing to do with the people who came before. But no matter how much I try to validate him, his insecurities persist. It’s exhausting, and it’s starting to cast a shadow over our relationship.

I wonder if this is normal, or if other couples face the same struggle. I love my husband deeply, but I also feel like I’m being unfairly judged for things that have nothing to do with our present or future. How do we find peace when his mind keeps pulling us back to a time that no longer matters?