My husband and I have been married for 7 years. When we first met, I was young and full of hope, thinking we could build a perfect life together. But from the beginning, it wasn’t what I expected. He treated me badly, and there were moments of dishonesty and betrayal, including his infidelity. At the time, I was young and naive. I wanted to believe in love and thought that if I forgave him, things would eventually get better. So, I did. I forgave him, and for a while, things seemed to improve, at least on the surface.
We moved forward and built a family, having children, and trying to create a life together. I put my heart into making it work because I loved him, and I wanted to believe in the potential of our relationship. But around the 5th year of our marriage, something inside me started to change. I began to feel resentment building up, like an unspoken weight that I couldn’t shake off.
I started looking back at everything—how I had forgiven him, how I had stayed by his side even after the pain of his betrayal. I had poured so much of myself into this marriage, into raising our children, and into trying to make things work. Yet, I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was giving more than I was receiving. I felt unappreciated, as if he no longer truly saw me or valued me the way I needed to feel loved. I began to feel invisible.
As the years went on, the resentment grew, and along with it, an urge to seek out attention from other men. It wasn’t about love or wanting to leave my husband. It was more about wanting to feel desired, to feel like someone still noticed me, appreciated me for who I was outside of being a wife and a mother. I wanted to feel attractive, wanted, like I was more than just a background figure in the life we had built.
The thoughts made me feel guilty and confused. I didn’t want to betray my husband, but I also couldn’t ignore the hunger for validation that had grown inside me. I started questioning what it was that I really wanted. Was it love I was searching for? Or was it simply the need to feel seen and valued again?
I’m torn between staying and trying to work through these feelings or moving on in search of something I feel is missing. I love my husband, but I’m not sure if I’m still in love with him. The guilt of feeling this way weighs heavy, and I wonder if I can ever truly heal from the past or if I’ll always carry these feelings of resentment and longing. Should I stay and fight, hoping things will change, or is it time to let go and search for the fulfillment I’ve been craving?
