I’ve been married to my husband for 9 years, and throughout it all, I’ve always stood by him. I believed in us, in the love we shared, despite the mistakes he made early on. When we were younger, he treated me badly—emotionally distant, often careless with my feelings, and he cheated on me. I was devastated, but I was also in love, and I convinced myself that I could forgive him. I thought that love could heal the wounds, that we could rebuild and create a life together. We had children, and I focused on making our family strong, thinking that the past could be forgotten, that we could start fresh.

But around the 6-year mark, something changed inside me. The resentment I had buried deep down started to surface. The forgiveness I had once so freely given didn’t seem to be enough anymore. Over the years, I had put so much into this marriage, giving myself completely to him and to our children. I tried to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, but a part of me felt invisible, unappreciated, and unfulfilled. It wasn’t just the hurt from the past that lingered—it was the feeling of being neglected, the sense that my emotional needs were never fully met. I had given him everything, and in return, I felt like I had lost a piece of myself.

As the resentment grew, so did my desire for something more—something I couldn’t find at home. I began to feel the urge to connect with other men, not necessarily to find love, but to feel desired, to feel like I was more than just a wife and a mother. There was this hunger inside me for validation and attention, the kind I hadn’t felt in years. I started noticing the little ways other men looked at me, the way they made me feel seen, even if just for a moment. I fantasized about what it would be like to be pursued again, to feel desired in a way I hadn’t in a long time.

I never acted on these urges, but the thoughts became harder and harder to push away. The guilt gnawed at me—how could I even entertain such ideas when I had committed myself to my marriage? But at the same time, I couldn’t ignore the emptiness I felt inside. I felt like I was suffocating, trapped in a relationship that had lost its spark.

Now, I’m questioning everything. I’ve stayed loyal for so long, but is it enough? Have I given too much of myself, losing my own sense of identity in the process? I don’t know if I can keep living like this, walking around with these feelings of neglect, resentment, and longing. Should I keep fighting for a marriage that seems like it’s barely holding together, or is it time to face the truth that I deserve more than this, that I need to find my own happiness outside of this relationship?

I love my husband, but I’m not sure if I’m still in love with him. And I don’t know how much longer I can stay in a marriage where I constantly feel invisible, where my emotional needs are unfulfilled. The uncertainty of the future weighs on me, and I don’t know what the right path is anymore. Do I stay and try to fix everything, or do I finally walk away and take control of my own happiness?