My husband has retroactive jealousy, and it’s something that has been affecting our marriage in ways I never anticipated. He often compares himself to men I dated before we met, bringing up details from my past relationships that I’ve shared with him—or sometimes things he assumes. It’s as if he’s stuck in a competition with people who no longer have a place in my life, and it’s exhausting to navigate.

At first, I thought it was a passing insecurity, something we could address with communication and reassurance. I reminded him repeatedly that my past is behind me, and he is the person I chose to marry, to build a life with. However, these conversations often spiral into more questions about my previous partners, their personalities, or even comparisons of how he measures up in terms of looks, achievements, or affection.

I’ve tried to understand his perspective, wondering if this stems from deeper self-esteem issues or past experiences of betrayal. Still, it’s hard not to feel frustrated or even hurt. His fixation on my past sometimes overshadows our present, preventing us from enjoying the relationship we’ve built.

It’s not that I’m unwilling to help him work through these feelings, but I wonder: Is this normal behavior, or is it something deeper that might require professional help? I love him and want to support him, but I also can’t help but feel that this pattern of jealousy is unfair to both of us.