My husband struggles with retroactive jealousy, and it’s been affecting our marriage in ways I never anticipated. He often brings up my past relationships, asking about details I’d rather leave behind. It’s not just curiosity—it feels like a deep comparison. He measures himself against the men I dated before we met, questioning whether he’s better, more successful, or more desirable.

At first, I thought it was just insecurity that would fade with time, but it’s become a recurring theme in our arguments. Even innocent stories about my past can trigger him. He’ll ask probing questions, sometimes out of the blue, and his mood shifts depending on how he interprets my answers. It’s exhausting, and it often leaves me feeling like I have to defend myself for a life I lived long before he was even part of it.

I’ve reassured him countless times that he’s the one I chose, the one I love, and that my past has no bearing on the incredible bond we’ve built. But his jealousy seems rooted in something deeper—perhaps a fear of not being enough or anxiety about living up to some imagined ideal.

I’ve considered therapy, both for him and for us as a couple, but I wonder if this is something he has to work through on his own. Is this behavior normal? Do other couples deal with this? I want to support him, but I also need him to trust that our present and future matter far more than my past.