As a married woman, I never expected my husband’s jealousy over my past relationships to become such a central issue in our lives. It’s not the type of jealousy where he worries about me now—it’s retroactive. He constantly brings up my past, asking questions about my exes and comparing himself to them. Sometimes it’s subtle, like a comment about whether they were more successful or better-looking. Other times, it’s a full-blown argument where he feels inadequate or angry over things I can’t change.

At first, I thought it was just an insecurity that would fade as our bond grew stronger. I reassured him repeatedly that he is the one I chose, the one I love, and that my past has no bearing on my feelings for him. But no matter how much I try to ease his concerns, he seems fixated. It’s like he’s in a silent competition with people who no longer matter to me, trying to prove something to himself.

The most difficult part is that his jealousy feels irrational to me, but very real to him. I find myself walking on eggshells when talking about my past, avoiding certain stories or even memories, just to prevent triggering his doubts. But it’s exhausting, and I often wonder if other couples face this kind of struggle.

I’ve read about retroactive jealousy being a common issue in some relationships, often stemming from insecurity or unresolved trauma. I’ve even considered suggesting therapy—both for him to work on his self-esteem and for us to find healthier ways to communicate. I want to help him through this, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m being punished for something outside my control.

Is this a common issue? How do other couples navigate this? I love my husband deeply, but I also need him to let go of the past so we can focus on building our future together.