I’m married to a man I love deeply, but his struggle with retroactive jealousy has started to affect our relationship in ways I never imagined. He’s fixated on the men I dated before we met, and it feels like he’s in an invisible competition with them. Whether it’s about their careers, appearances, or even how I felt about them at the time, he seems to need constant reassurance that he measures up.

At first, I thought it was a phase, something that would fade as we grew closer and more secure in our marriage. But the comparisons haven’t stopped. He asks questions about my past relationships—some of them deeply personal—and his mood often depends on how I respond. If he perceives something as a threat, like a story that paints an ex in a positive light, he’ll withdraw or become irritable. It’s as though he’s searching for validation that he’s “better” than anyone who came before him.

I’ve tried to reassure him countless times. I’ve told him that he’s the one I chose to spend my life with, that my past relationships are exactly that—past. But no matter how much I try to soothe his fears, they seem to linger, casting a shadow over our present.

I’m beginning to wonder if this is something deeper than insecurity. Should I be concerned about how this could impact our future? I don’t want my past to define our relationship or become a source of constant tension.

I’ve considered suggesting therapy or couples counseling, but I worry he might see it as a criticism rather than a way to strengthen our bond. I want to help him work through this, but I also need to protect my own emotional well-being. Is this behavior common in relationships? Or is it a sign of something that needs to be addressed before it becomes an even bigger issue?