My husband constantly brings up my past relationships, and it’s becoming an ongoing issue in our marriage. He compares himself to my exes in ways that range from subtle to outright competitive. Sometimes it’s a passing comment, like wondering if he’s more successful or better looking. Other times, it’s a deep dive into details I’ve long left behind, as if he’s trying to measure himself against them.

At first, I brushed it off as normal curiosity. After all, it’s natural for couples to talk about their pasts to some extent. But over time, his questions became more frequent, more probing, and more emotional. He seems preoccupied with whether he’s better than the men I used to date, or if there’s some part of me that still holds onto those memories.

The truth is, I’ve moved on from my past. Those relationships taught me lessons and helped shape the person I am today, but they have no bearing on the love and commitment I have for my husband. Unfortunately, it seems like he can’t let go of the idea that he’s in competition with people who no longer matter to me.

I’m starting to wonder if this behavior is a sign of retroactive jealousy, a deeper insecurity rooted in fear of not being “enough.” From what I’ve read, it’s not uncommon in relationships, but it can be incredibly damaging if left unaddressed. His constant comparisons make me feel like I’m on trial for a past I can’t change. It’s emotionally exhausting, and it’s beginning to chip away at the trust and joy in our marriage.

I’ve tried to reassure him, but the issue persists. I’m considering therapy—both to help him work through these feelings and to give us tools to communicate better. I love him deeply, but I also need him to see that our present and future are far more important than the people in my past.

Is this something many couples deal with? Or is it a sign of a deeper problem we need to address? I want to support him, but I also want to protect the health of our relationship before this insecurity turns into resentment.