From the beginning, I noticed my husband’s curiosity about my past relationships. At first, I didn’t think much of it—it’s natural to wonder about the person you’re building a life with. But over time, his curiosity turned into something darker, something I hadn’t anticipated.

It started innocently enough. He’d ask, “What was your ex like?” or “Why did it end between you two?” I answered honestly, thinking transparency would strengthen our bond. But my answers only seemed to fuel more questions. “Was he funnier than me? Did he treat you better? Was he better in bed?” Each question left me feeling like I was being cross-examined, as though my past was a crime he needed to solve.

I tried reassuring him. I told him those relationships didn’t work out for a reason and that he was the one I chose to marry. But no matter what I said, it wasn’t enough. He started comparing himself to these men—men who were now just distant memories for me but had become larger-than-life in his mind. He’d make subtle comments like, “I bet he never forgot your birthday,” or, “I’ll bet he didn’t mess up like I do.”

It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, avoiding conversations that could trigger his insecurities. Even when I’m completely focused on us, it’s like he’s haunted by these imagined versions of my exes, competing with ghosts who don’t even exist in my mind anymore.

I don’t know how to help him. I’ve tried love, patience, and reassurance, but it feels like a battle I can’t win. Is this just jealousy, or has it crossed into something toxic? And if it’s the latter, how do we move forward when he can’t seem to let go of the past?