I hurt my husband of 8 years deeply by having an affair with his friend for two years. The shame of what I did feels unbearable, and when the truth finally came out, I saw the devastation in his eyes—eyes that had trusted me, loved me, and believed in the life we had built together. I can never undo what’s been done, and I know that no amount of words or apologies will ever completely erase the pain I’ve caused. But I am determined to do whatever it takes to help him heal and rebuild the trust that I’ve shattered.

I’ve spent countless hours reflecting on why I made such a destructive choice. It wasn’t just about the affair; it was about the emptiness I felt inside, the things I neglected in myself and in our relationship. But none of that excuses what I did. I hurt him, and I betrayed him in the worst possible way. I know now that I can’t just blame external factors or circumstances; the responsibility lies solely with me. And it’s up to me to show him, through both words and actions, that I truly understand the depth of my betrayal and the pain he’s carrying.

The first step toward healing is confronting the reasons behind my actions. I need to understand myself better—why I made these choices, what was lacking in me and in our relationship that led me down this path. But it’s not enough to just understand; I need to change. I am committed to making meaningful shifts in how I approach relationships, how I handle my emotions, and how I treat the people I love. I’ve already begun individual therapy to work on my personal issues, and I’ve encouraged him to join me in couples therapy when and if he’s ready.

I know that forgiveness isn’t something I can demand or rush. It’s not something I can force, and I must respect the time he needs to process everything. He has every right to be angry, confused, and unsure of what to do next. The healing process will be long, and it will be painful. There will be days when he feels like he can’t trust me, when he wonders if he made the wrong choice by staying. But I need to show him, every single day, that I’m willing to do the hard work of earning his trust again.

This means being transparent, answering every question honestly, and showing up consistently. It means acknowledging his pain, validating his feelings, and never minimizing the hurt I’ve caused. I know that trust is something that has to be rebuilt one small action at a time, and it’s going to take patience and perseverance. But I’m ready to do the work, even if it’s hard, even if it takes years. I will prove, through my actions, that I am committed to healing, not just for him but for myself as well.

I also know that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean that everything will go back to normal overnight. I have to be prepared for the fact that things may never be the same again. But what matters now is that I’m here, ready to do whatever it takes to help him find peace, to help us rebuild, and to show him that I’m dedicated to being the person he thought I was, the person he deserves.

I can’t undo the past, but I can shape a new future—one where I am someone he can trust again. It’s a long road ahead, and I don’t know what the end will look like, but I’m committed to walking it, no matter how hard it gets.