A New Kind of Restlessness

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My husband is a wonderful man. He’s the kind of partner I used to dream about—steady, supportive, and kind. He knows how I like my coffee, remembers the little things, and always puts us first. For years, I believed that kind of stability was everything I needed, the cornerstone of a happy marriage. And yet, here I am, grappling with feelings I don’t understand, feelings that have shaken the foundation of who I thought I was.

It started innocently enough. My boss is charismatic, confident, the kind of person who fills a room just by walking into it. At first, I admired him for his leadership, his ability to handle pressure with such ease. But somewhere along the way, admiration turned into something more—a pull, a magnetic connection that seems to intensify every time we’re in the same room.

It’s not just the way he looks at me, though there’s something about his gaze that feels uncomfortably knowing. It’s the way he listens, the way his attention feels so undivided, like he truly sees me in a way I haven’t felt seen in years. When we talk, it’s not just about work—it’s layered, charged with an energy I can’t name but can’t ignore either.

And then there’s me. The me I’ve discovered in his presence, the one who feels alive and vibrant, like parts of myself I had forgotten were suddenly illuminated. It’s not that my husband doesn’t make me happy; he does. But this is different. It’s raw, thrilling, and terrifying all at once. It’s like looking in a mirror and seeing someone unfamiliar staring back—a version of myself I didn’t know existed.

These feelings have left me spinning, questioning everything. Am I ungrateful for the life I have? Or have I been suppressing my own desires for the sake of comfort and security? I’ve spent so many years being the dependable wife, the steady one, that I wonder if I’ve lost pieces of myself along the way.

I haven’t acted on these feelings—at least, not yet. But I can’t deny that they’ve awakened something inside me, something I can’t ignore no matter how hard I try. And so, I’m left with this unsettling restlessness, torn between the life I’ve built with my husband and the inexplicable connection I feel with my boss.

For now, I carry these thoughts silently, burying them beneath the surface while trying to navigate the growing storm within me. I don’t know where this will lead or what it means for my marriage, but one thing is certain: I can no longer pretend these feelings don’t exist.

 

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