I’m honestly not sure where to start so I guess I’ll just start.

My husband and I have been dating since I was 19 and he was 22. We’ve been married for six years now. We have two kids and I’m six months pregnant with our third.

Two years ago I found out my dad has stage three colon cancer. My dad is my only parent as my mom passed away when I was 12. He’s my favorite human and life without him doesn’t seem as colorful. His laugh is contagious and he gives these big bear hugs that seem to make all of your broken pieces feel like they’re perfectly in place again. Whenever I’ve had a hard day he doesn’t poke and prod and just lets me vent and listens.

About five months ago we discovered the treatments aren’t working for him and in direct quote of the doctor he said “months not years.” Since then he’s gotten progressively worse and now is losing memory. He looked at the dog he got for me on my 21st birthday and said “wow that’s a nice dog, where’d you get it?”

My husband has been my absolute rock. He has been there for me holding my hand and helping me through this. He’s been so loving and attentive to both my kids and I. Don’t get me wrong, I am a mother first always. I don’t allow myself to wallow. My kids are still loved, cared for, played with, and I haven’t let my load slack around the house.

Once my dad got his updated prognosis my husband encouraged me to quit my job. About a month later we discovered we were pregnant again and I still hadn’t let go of my job, I kept holding out for some reason. After finding out I was pregnant again he ensured me it was still okay to quit my job, that honestly it would save us a small fortune on daycare costs anyways. So I did, I quit my job.

My best friend and I have been friends since diapers. Her family is like my family and vice versa. My mom and her mom grew up together. We’ve always been solid and right after my dads appointment when we found out he had so little time left I drove straight to her house and she held me while I cried for hours. If there are soulmates in friend form, she was mine. “Thick as thieves” is what my mom used to say.

This morning as I was up with my three year old (he’s sick) my husbands work alarm was going off. He has a few he sets so I turned that one off and gently woke him up, he said he was up late working so he took the morning off. Rolled over and went back to sleep. As I went to turn off the remained of his alarms I saw a text from my friend on his Lock Screen that said “I’m assuming since there hasn’t been an angry pregnant lady on my doorstep you haven’t told her about us yet?”

Time froze in that moment. I took his phone and walked away and just read their conversations. Four months this man has been fucking my best friend. Four months these people have been lying to my face.

And I know what you’re going to say, you should’ve seen the warning signs. But I’ve been clutching this phone in my hand for two hours and nothing. He has been so loving and attentive to me, but he always has been. So kind and gentle. There has been no late night work nights except for once in a blue moon, there has been no lingering touches between them or even glances. They act as they have since the day I first introduced them. How sick is it that she calls him her brother but she screws him?

I know so many people get a moment of clarity in situations like this but I have none. Aside from being sad about my dad, I haven’t changed. I’m still a loving wife and mother. I still doted on him and my children. I talk to him about how he is doing and how was his day every freaking day. I haven’t allowed the ground to swallow me whole.

I know what I have to do now, but I just don’t want to. I’m about to lose my family and my support system in one blow. I’ll confront him tomorrow. Today? Today I just need this last 24hrs of peace. As for her? I won’t give her the satisfaction of a response. I don’t care why she did it. She did it and it’s done. I was always the friend who cleaned up her messes. After today I will cut her out of my life like she never mattered at all.

This has to be the hardest storm I’ll ever weather, but damn it I know it’ll sail through it. If not for me, for my children.