My husband and I have been married for several years, and while our relationship has had its ups and downs, one recurring issue has been his struggle with retroactive jealousy. He often compares himself to men from my past, fixating on my previous relationships and questioning whether he measures up. It’s as if he’s in constant competition with people who are no longer part of my life, and it’s starting to take a toll on both of us.

At first, I thought it was just a passing phase—a bit of insecurity that would fade with time. But over the years, it’s become a pattern. He’ll bring up my exes in conversations, asking detailed questions about what they were like or how our relationships ended. Sometimes, he’ll even make comments like, “I bet he was better at this than I am,” or “You must miss how he treated you.” It’s exhausting and frustrating, especially because I’ve repeatedly assured him that my past is just that—the past—and that I chose him for a reason.

I’ve tried to understand where this jealousy comes from. Is it rooted in his own insecurities? Does he feel inadequate in some way? Or is it something deeper, like a fear of abandonment or a lack of trust? I want to help him work through these feelings, but I’m not sure how. It’s hard to reassure someone who seems determined to compare themselves to ghosts from my past.

We’ve started considering couples therapy to address this issue, as it’s clear we can’t resolve it on our own. I love him deeply, but I worry that if we don’t find a way to move past this, it could erode the foundation of our marriage. Retroactive jealousy is a heavy burden, and I hope we can find a way to lighten the load together.