My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for four. While our relationship has been filled with love and shared dreams, there’s one recurring issue that continues to cast a shadow over our marriage: his retroactive jealousy. He frequently brings up my past relationships, asking questions, making comparisons, and sometimes even accusing me of still holding onto feelings for people I haven’t spoken to in years. It’s a pattern that leaves me feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and at times, emotionally drained.

At first, I thought his curiosity about my past was harmless. I figured it was natural for him to want to know about the people who had been part of my life before him. But over time, his questions became more intrusive, and his tone shifted from curiosity to insecurity. He’d ask things like, “Did you love him more than me?” or “Was he better in bed?” No matter how many times I told him that my past was just that—the past—he couldn’t seem to let it go. It’s as if he’s stuck in a loop, constantly measuring himself against men who no longer have any relevance to our lives.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand why he feels this way. Is it a sign of emotional insecurity? Does he feel like he’s not enough, despite my reassurances? Or is it something more complex, like a deep-seated fear of abandonment or a lack of trust in our relationship? I’ve tried to be patient and empathetic, but it’s hard to navigate when his jealousy feels so consuming.

The impact on our marriage is undeniable. It’s created a sense of tension and mistrust that wasn’t there before. I find myself hesitating to share stories from my past, even innocent ones, because I’m afraid it will trigger another round of questions or comparisons. It’s exhausting, and it’s starting to feel like we’re stuck in a cycle that neither of us knows how to break.

I’ve suggested therapy as a way to address this issue, but he’s resistant. He says he doesn’t want to “dwell on the past,” which feels ironic given how much he brings it up. I’m at a loss for how to help him move past this, but I know we can’t keep going like this. I love him deeply, and I want our marriage to be a source of joy and security for both of us. But for that to happen, we need to find a way to address his retroactive jealousy and rebuild the trust and connection that brought us together in the first place.

Retroactive jealousy is a complex and deeply personal issue, and I know it won’t be resolved overnight. But I’m hopeful that, with time, patience, and perhaps professional guidance, we can find a way to move forward—together.