I’ve been very low libido for the past three years of my marriage due to mental health, my SSRI and my birth control pill. Seeing that we waited until marriage, and my husband got a vasectomy, and we never had sex because shit really started hitting the fan when we got married and neither of us had the mental energy to do much else, it’s been rough. Not to mention, I’ve been through some sexual abuse as a young teen. We’re both Christian, and while I believe that God is 100% ok with me having sex with my husband, after everything I’ve been through and how I’ve grown up with sex being portrayed as basically “marital rape” by my parents, it has never appealed to me. Men pursue, women just deal with it. It’s to make babies (and my husband and I have both known since we were little ourselves that we don’t want to have children). Any Christian portrayal of sex is very pro-child, and any secular portrayal of sex is considered dirty. Again, not appealing.

But Thursday, a good friend and I were talking about. her FWB experiences. Come to find out she’s a kinky little thing – I had no idea! I thought this kind of rendezvous was super hot, and as if a lightbulb went off in my head, I was just like, “I have someone at home I can fuck. Who’da thunk?”

So I took some of the most explicit nudes I’ve ever taken. Since sex has been so off the table for us, other than the occasional mess-around, I was SUPER nervous. Our marriage had been so “functional-only” for so long that we are barely even romantic. But I sent them. When he got home from work that night, we smoked some weed (for me, to mitigate the pain as I am a small woman). I got on top, and while it normally hurts, it felt good. Really good. I didn’t come from that, but he finished me off with my vibrator. The second and third nights, same thing. Except each time, we’re going a little longer, and it’s feeling a little better.

I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s over the moon about it, and I’m really nervous! It’s been so long since I’ve felt alive outside of my eating disorder and OCD that’s been shackling my feet for so long. I actually want to make love. He bought me some lacy lingerie, and I can’t wait for it to get here. We have opposite shift schedules Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, so for the last two and a half days I’ve been just soaking wet, edging myself, not getting off. I’ve never come on penetration alone, and I really want to do it. We’ve been together for 7 years, it’s about time I experience something like that with him. He’s so caring, puts my enjoyment first, he’s not super masculine or domineering, and we work so well as equals. I love that I’m just as sexy to him even after all the times he’s seen my body so damaged, after I’ve been so cold and callous and that he’s just all about it. I want to make up all that lost time.

I just want to do so much. (going to put this in a spoiler tag because, yes, while this is a NSFW post, this may come off indecent) || I want to ride him while he sucks my tits. I want to come on him. I want him to fuck me while I wrap my legs around him. || It’s so weird because, while we’ve been together for so long and messed around so much, I’ve never explored this dominant side of myself and I love it. He knows why I don’t like to be treated like an object, and why I don’t like to be submissive. I don’t like BDSM, or any sex with antagonistic undertones due to my sexual abuse situations. He gets it. We’re just going to start making sex our own special thing now.

TL:DR; I’m really horny for my husband. I don’t know what changed, but I’m very thankful for the change and needed to get it off my chest.