I (32f) have only ever been with my husband (32m), but he had other partners before me. We have been married for a little over 9 years and have 3 kids. I just had our 3rd kid a month ago.

It never bothered me until recently that I was a virgin and he had been with other women. I read a comment recently that men often think of previous partners while having sex with their wives and it got me thinking… because I don’t know what that’s like. He’s my one and only.

I haven’t brought this up with him at all and likely never will because it’s not his problem and not really fair to him. I knew that he wasn’t a virgin when he took my virginity. I knew I wasn’t his only time when we got married. I didn’t care. I love him. But for some reason, now, right after I just had kid #3, it’s bothering me. I wonder if he thinks of previous partners during or outside of our intimacy. I wonder what it would have been like to be with others. I wonder if it affects the way he sees me.

He loved that I was a virgin when we were dating. He thought it was extremely attractive. Now, I kind of feel a little resentful that he was excited that I was a virgin but it was all cool for him to have multiple partners before me. I don’t know why my mind is going there. It’s not helpful to my marriage and it doesn’t help me to be a better wife. He is a good man and he is good to me. We have a good sex life… at least, I think we do. What if he doesn’t think so because he’s had other experiences? He’d never tell me, because he’s a good guy. He does constantly tell me he’s attracted to me and he initiates sex often, but I’m suddenly feeling insecure, which is very out of character for me. One of his favorite things about me is my confidence. This insecurity feels foreign to me.

I hope that this is just a weird phase I’m going through in my 30’s and I’ll get over it soon.

Edit to add: we are not having sex right now because I am recovering from childbirth, but we normally are intimate 2-3x a week.

Edit #2: thank you so much to everyone who commented! I didn’t expect to get so much advice and I appreciate every single one. I’ve read every comment up until this point. Thank you for sitting with a stranger for just a few seconds and giving me your thoughts and experiences — the majority of you have been helpful.