My husband struggles with retroactive jealousy, constantly measuring himself against the men from my past. It started subtly—offhanded comments, playful teasing—but over time, it became clear that he wasn’t joking. He wanted to know details: who they were, what they looked like, how they treated me. At first, I reassured him, emphasizing that none of them compared to him. But the questions never stopped.

He would bring them up at the most random moments, turning what should be lighthearted conversations into interrogations. “Did he do this for you?” “Was he better than me in any way?” His fixation began affecting our intimacy. I could see the self-doubt in his eyes, as if he were competing with ghosts. No matter how much I tried to prove that the past was irrelevant, he couldn’t let it go.

I love my husband, but his jealousy is exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly defending a past that doesn’t matter anymore. I chose him, married him, built a life with him—yet he still acts as though he’s second place in a race that ended years ago.

Is this insecurity? Or something deeper? I wonder if he sees himself as unworthy or if he fears that, deep down, I compare him too. The truth is, I don’t. But his obsession makes me question how much longer I can bear the weight of my own history when I’ve already left it behind.