Finding out that my husband had an affair was a gut-wrenching experience. It wasn’t just the betrayal of his actions, but the way he responded when confronted. Instead of acknowledging the hurt he caused, he somehow twisted everything around and placed the blame on me. He said that I was too focused on my career, too emotionally distant, and that I wasn’t giving him enough attention. According to him, it wasn’t that he made a conscious choice to cheat, but that I had pushed him to it with my “lack of care” and “neglect.”

At first, I couldn’t even process what he was saying. How is this possible? I thought. I had spent years building a life with him, giving him my love, my trust, my loyalty. I worked hard to keep everything running smoothly at home and at work. Of course, we weren’t perfect—we had our moments of tension, like any couple—but that never seemed to stop me from trying to be there for him, to nurture our relationship.

Yet here he was, telling me that my supposed indifference was what drove him to look for affection elsewhere. My emotions were a whirlwind: confusion, anger, hurt, and even guilt, wondering if I really did fall short in ways I hadn’t noticed. But then the clarity came.

Cheating isn’t a solution to feeling neglected. It’s a choice—a decision to betray someone who trusts you, someone who’s been there for you. His affair wasn’t my fault. His lack of communication, his inability to express his needs in a healthy way—that was his responsibility.

Now, I’m left wondering how to rebuild my life when the person who hurt me refuses to take accountability for his actions. How can I move forward when I’m the one being blamed for everything that went wrong?