My husband and I have been married for several years, yet a ghost from my past lingers between us—his own insecurities. He struggles with retroactive jealousy, a deep-seated fixation on my previous relationships, and no matter how much I reassure him, he constantly compares himself to the men who came before him.

It started subtly—offhand comments about my past, harmless questions here and there. But over time, it escalated. He began dissecting details, obsessing over things I barely remember. He would ask how my exes treated me, what kind of gifts they gave, how they made me feel. Even if I downplay or dismiss these topics, his mind races, filling in the gaps with worst-case scenarios.

What hurts the most is that I chose him. I married him. And yet, instead of feeling secure in our love, he seems to believe he’s in some invisible competition with men who are no longer in my life. It’s exhausting, knowing that nothing I say can fully erase his self-doubt.

I wonder—is this just insecurity, or something deeper? Is he so caught up in his fears that he’d rather chase ghosts than appreciate the present? I love him, but his need to measure up to people who no longer matter is chipping away at the foundation of our relationship. How do you convince someone that they’ve already won a race they shouldn’t be running in the first place?