My husband has retroactive jealousy—an obsession with my past that I never expected would become such a problem in our marriage. At first, I thought it was harmless curiosity. A few innocent questions about my exes, playful jokes about my dating history. But over time, it turned into something else entirely.

He constantly compares himself to the men who came before him. He wants to know every detail—who they were, what they looked like, how they treated me. “Was he taller than me? Stronger? Did you love him more?” The questions never end, and no matter how much reassurance I give him, it’s never enough.

It’s like he’s competing with ghosts.

I see the frustration in his eyes when I refuse to entertain his endless comparisons. I tell him that the past is the past, that I chose him, that none of it should matter. But it does—to him. He tortures himself with these thoughts, imagining things that never happened, making himself the victim of a past that has nothing to do with our present.

And I can’t help but wonder—does this mean he’s cucking himself in his own mind? He’s not being cheated on, yet he’s fixated on the idea that he was never my first, as if that somehow makes him less of a man.

I love him, but I’m exhausted. How do you convince someone to stop competing in a race that only exists in their head?