If a man fixates on his wife’s past lovers and constantly measures himself against them, is it just insecurity, or is he basically cucking himself in his own head?

My husband struggles with something I never expected to be an issue—retroactive jealousy. It’s not just a passing curiosity about my past; it’s an obsession. He wants to know everything—who they were, what they looked like, how they treated me, and worst of all, if they were better than him. It doesn’t matter how much I reassure him, how many times I tell him that none of them ever meant as much to me as he does. In his mind, they are still there, lingering like ghosts in our marriage.

He brings them up at random moments, sometimes out of nowhere. A song plays on the radio, and he asks, “Did you ever listen to this with someone else?” A restaurant reminds him of a story I once told, and suddenly, he’s dissecting details I barely even remember. “Did you laugh with him the way you laugh with me?” “Did he make you feel the way I do?” It’s endless.

I watch him torment himself, feeding his own jealousy with thoughts he could easily let go of. He’s not being cheated on, but it’s like he’s mentally putting himself in that position—imagining my past in ways that only hurt him.

So, what is this? Just insecurity? Or is he unconsciously cucking himself, living in a reality where he’s the victim of a betrayal that doesn’t even exist?