Marriage is supposed to be about moving forward together, yet my husband seems stuck in reverse, constantly looking over his shoulder at men who aren’t even in the picture anymore. Even after all this time, he acts as if he’s in some silent competition with the ghosts of my past. He brings them up in conversations, asks unnecessary questions, and compares himself to them as if my past relationships somehow define our present.

At first, I dismissed it as normal curiosity—everyone wonders about their partner’s history to some extent. But as the months and years passed, I realized this wasn’t just casual interest. It was an obsession. He wants to know details that don’t matter anymore, dissecting my past relationships in a way that makes me feel like I’m on trial for things I’ve already left behind. If I don’t answer, he assumes the worst. If I do, it only seems to fuel his insecurities.

I reassure him constantly that he’s the only man who matters, that I chose him, that those past relationships ended for a reason. But no matter how much I try to put his mind at ease, he keeps reopening the same wounds—wounds that only exist in his mind.

So I find myself asking—is this normal? Is it just a phase? Or is it an unhealthy obsession that will only grow worse? How do I convince him that he has already won when he refuses to stop competing?