We have been together 8 years. Have two young children together. We have had ups and downs in our relationship, especially since our first was born. Since having kids, I don’t want to have sex as much as I used to. Between taking care of the kids, and breastfeeding, it feels like everyone (including my husband) needs so many things from me and that doesn’t leave me feeling in the mood at the end of the day.

So a year and a half ago, I caught my husband texting a girl from work. They had been texting for months and I had no clue. Like, how was your day, what are you up to kind of texts. I got mad. He said he wouldn’t talk to her again. He was sorry, but didn’t understand why I wasn’t okay with it.

Now, fast forward to recently, on new year’s eve, I randomly check his phone because he’s been acting really distant and will hardly talk to me. And I discover he’s been texting this same girl, and trying to meet up with her. I confronted him. He basically was like yeah well its your fault because you don’t want to have sex with me. He was drunk, said some mean things, I decided I would leave him.

The next day he is crying, apologizing, saying he only wants me. I feel like I got suckered back in. Because I keep going back and forth in my head, how could he attempt to meet up with someone, and now I’m paranoid all the time that he will cheat on me and I don’t even know why I’m giving him another chance because I don’t think he deserves me.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, advice maybe? We have a couples therapy session next week. I just keep going back and forth feeling mad and then wanting to forgive him. And feeling like I “have” to have more sex with him now or else this will happen again. I don’t know what to think or do.

Edit: thanks so much for those who are responding with support. I feel like my feelings are being validated which they haven’t been up to this point.