I’ve been married for 10 years. My husband used to treat me badly and cheat but I was young so forgave him and went onto have children and a life with him. About 5-6 years in I started having feelings of resentment and would have urges to reach out to other men behind his back. All I eventually could think about when having sex with him was how he cheated on me back then and the way he treated me. He is nice now and a great father. But I can’t forget. Eventually I come across 2 different guys whom I had sex with. I felt guilty about it and moved on and just kept my mouth shut about it. Time passes by and I’m still having feelings of wanting other men. I met this guy who’s work relocated him to my town at my job. It took a week and long story short he had me in his car and he made a bold move to grab my pants and unbutton them and soon we were kissing in his car while he was playing with me. A few days later he rented a hotel near our work and we went at it. I learned that he is into bdsm and sex felt very much like 50 shades of grey. I learned so much about myself sexually during that time it made me hate sex with my husband. This continued for 4 months until he was eventually relocated back to his town and we quit talking. He loved spanking me, fucking me until there were bruises on his hips and on my ass cheeks from hitting together so hard. He gave me a safe word. And I wanted him to make me use it. And he would. He explored my body and would use my facial expressions and body language to read me. It was truly magical.

Recently he reached back out to see if I wanted to hookup. It’s been 2 years now and I’ve tried to be good but it’s so hard.